I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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