There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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