Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
