I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
