you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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