I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
