The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
