Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
