ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
COCAINE IS GR8
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