It's Friday. Sex?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
