you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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