I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pooping to opera.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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