i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
