I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
