I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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