So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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