Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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