if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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