advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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