My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
