I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Someone shit on the floor
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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