The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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