I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
