I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Cover your peen. We're going out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
