Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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