so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
