he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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