there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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