how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
