I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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