I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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