How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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