How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
