i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
