nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
