You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
