I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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