I faked an abortion last night.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
