So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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