She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
