I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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