i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize