it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
