In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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