Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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