There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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