Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
