quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
