I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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