Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
