i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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