Where are you?
In a non slutty way
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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