you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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