Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
