he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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