I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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