She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
