How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize