i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
