After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
