My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Your cock deserves a montage
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
