Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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